Public Private Letters, Part 6: Dear (Hopeful) Husband.

Dear (Hopeful) Future Husband,

I don't know where you are, or if you even exist. Perhaps God is calling me to a life of singleness. I'd probably go down that route kicking and screaming though. (If I'm being honest, I already have been kicking and screaming while wondering where you are!)

It's always been part of my life dream to be married and have a family. So, I'm truly waiting for you, Husband. I am. But you are not a guarantee or a promise by any means. I know that God has promised me many things, and you, Husband, are not one of those things. This is the reason why I will treasure you all the more if you do enter into my life.

So far, in my 25 years, I've been perpetually single. This has been a blessing and a frustration. I fully believe God has protected my very tender heart from being broken time and time again. You see, I love freely and I love hard. Because of this, I am prone to falling in love (or infatuation at the very least) easily. The Lord my God has protected this area of my heart numerous times. He knows me, you see--better than even you ever will, Husband.

I pray for you, Husband. I may not know what name to call you, but I pray 1. that you exist, 2. that you would be a man after God's own heart, and 3. and you'd be a man after my own heart. I pray for our children that (I hope) we'll have. I pray for their souls, their hearts, their minds, and for us as their parents. These are some of my biggest life dreams, and that's saying something, Husband, because I'm a dreamer. I have small dreams (like graduation) and medium dreams (like owning a dog ranch & rescue) and big dreams (you and our kids).

I must admit that I've made you an idol at times, Husband. I've thought that I deserved you. I've thought that you were promised. I've indignantly cried out to God, wondering where you are, or why not that guy, or that guy, etc. This has to stop. The only God for me is the One True God.

I wear a ring that says "True Love Waits." I got it in middle school. Back then, I knew I wanted you. Now, I believe that if my love for you is true, even before I know your name, I will wait for you. I hope that you are waiting for me, too. I know that Love that is the Truest of True--Jesus--waits for me. He waits patiently waits for me each morning, and he lovingly waits for me to fall asleep at night. All the while in between, Jesus waits for me. His love for me is true. I love him and will always love him even more than I love you, Husband, but my love for him makes me better for you. I pray that you'll love Jesus more than you love me, Husband, and that we can love Jesus together. This is my prayer above all my other prayers for you--that we might love and serve Jesus together.

I want to do ministry in my life, and I want you by my side, Husband. Until then, I'll keep waiting, praying, and seeking God with all that is within me.

Sincerely,
Haley, Your (Hopeful) Future Wife

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