Walls around my heart

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 "To love a girl who's used to standing on her own, you must be ready to stay. Be there to hold her hand when she insists, 'I've got this,' and reply, 'But I'm here to help.' Learn her world, the one she's built piece by piece, and find your place in it. Not by overtaking it, but by respecting what's already there. Be prepared to scale the walls she's built around her heart. Not to tear them down but to understand why they exist in the first place. And when you're inside, don't try to change her. Let her be. Because when you love her deeply and she knows she can trust you with her independence, she will hold onto you forever. She doesn't need someone to save her. She needs someone to stay." -Ivan Nicholo Meneses 

This quote hit me hard today. I've spent the last several years working hard on myself in a variety of areas. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, financially, and so on...you name it, I've been restoration work on it in my life. 

I fully believe 2025 is finally my year to thrive and flourish after all the work I've put in. But this quote hit me hard! I built walls around my heart for a reason, sometimes without realizing it. I have felt the result; the distance between myself and men I had a romantic interest in, or occasionally even people of any gender I've tried to build deeper friendships with. 

My independence was often a survival strategy or a mask. With all the medical trauma and grief I went through and did not know how to explain to others, it was a defense a mechanism. I felt I had to do anything and everything on my own. It felt necessary to learn how to build my life alone. The more I could do on my own, the safer I felt. Yet, behind all of that, I was so lonely. For the world, I wore a smiling face. At night, I cried into my pillow while cuddling my dog. 

As I've healed all the parts of myself more, I no longer want to hide. 

I am confident and whole again. And I am only human. I need connection--we all do.

There is no doubt I am strong. I know I can do it on my own, but I don't want to.

There is no doubt I have come a long way. I really don't need anyone to save me. I'm building this amazing life and dying to have someone to share it all with. I'm so ready to have that last piece. 

And at the same time, I know I'll be okay if I stay single or until I find my guy. It's a weird paradox. I've got an amazing life. I have some amazing friends and family. I love being included in the lives of my loved ones, and I love the life I'm building at the moment. It's like I'm building a beautiful little kingdom or something. I've decided it's time to take down the giant walls around the little kingdom of my life, brick by brick. I'm allowed to let people into this beautiful life of mine. 


May we all find safe people who love us and want to stay.


Sincerely,

Haley

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