Showing posts from February, 2015


I got sick again tonight, inexplicably. One moment I was laughing with my roommates, and the next thing I knew I was throwing up. Why? 
I am grief-stricken. 
I've heard and experienced that grief comes in waves. These days, a little over 2 months after Colby's death, the waves come a little less frequently, but they are cripplingly huge when they come. Tonight, I'm drowning in my sadness and I just want...I don't know what. For reality to not be true? I want her back. But reality is, she's gone and there's nothing I can do to get her back. Now, my cousin visits me only in my dreams, where I sometimes seem to forget that she has died.  
And I honestly am happy for her. I know her soul will live on where there is no pain, only joy. But what about me? Now I have to suffer on without my cousin/friend, whom I could always count on to suffer alongside me. 
My mom says that this will probably be one of the greatest losses of my life, because of the timing, the suddenness,…

Sing Song, Big and Small.

So, for the first time in four years, I am in a Sing Song act. (If you aren't connected with the ACU community and you don't know what Sing Song is, I don't really feel like explaining it right now. Look it up on YouTube.) To those of you who really know me and my passions, this may come as a shock, because at the top of the list of things I love to do are: performing, singing, dancing, etc. And it's what I'm the best at, compared to like, sports. Ha. 
But if you really know me, even if you just read this blog, you'll already know that college has been extremely difficult and challenging for me. I've been through several deaths of loved ones, multiple health crises, and even a hospitalization and a semester off. Yet, I'm still here. I'm still in college, and I have finally returned to the Sing Song stage. 
If I didn't struggle with depression and anxiety, it would have been my dream to audition for hostess or be a director of an act. Unfortunately…