Showing posts from February, 2015


I got sick again tonight, inexplicably. One moment I was laughing with my roommates, and the next thing I knew I was throwing up. Why? 
I am grief-stricken. 
I've heard and experienced that grief comes in waves. These days, a little over 2 months after Colby's death, the waves come a little less frequently, but they are cripplingly huge when they come. Tonight, I'm drowning in my sadness and I just want...I don't know what. For reality to not be true? I want her back. But reality is, she's gone and there's nothing I can do to get her back. Now, my cousin visits me only in my dreams, where I sometimes seem to forget that she has died.  
And I honestly am happy for her. I know her soul will live on where there is no pain, only joy. But what about me? Now I have to suffer on without my cousin/friend, whom I could always count on to suffer alongside me. 
My mom says that this will probably be one of the greatest losses of my life, because of the timing, the suddenness,…