Surrender Before Victory?
For the past eight years, I've chosen not to make a New Year's Resolution and instead chose a word/idea to focus on for the entirety of the year. I usually start thinking about my upcoming Word of the Year in December and reflecting on the word of this past year. My word this year: "Surrender." Toward the end of 2019, I was certain my word for 2020 would be "Victory." I was moving closer to finally graduating from college and was set to graduate in May of 2020. It felt like maybe I'd finally be able to claim that victory after ten years of effort. But then again, I was in a state of constant, terrible depression. It started mid-way through 2019 and would not lift. In the fall semester of 2019, I struggled to get out of bed, eat, shower, brush my teeth, going to class, doing homework...everything felt exceedingly difficult. I absolutely loved the classes I was taking and the things I was involved in but I felt like I was drowning every single day. Someth