Two Years Later: Learning to be "ME" again

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I’ve been extra introspective the last week or so—which is saying a lot, as I tend to be a deeply introspective person most of the time anyway. 


Anniversaries tend to make me reflective though. Today (March 20, 2022) is the two year anniversary of when I discharged from the Menninger Clinic. That’s a psychiatric hospital. I was there for ten and a half weeks, from January through March of 2020. To say that those weeks were life-changing would be a huge understatement. They were also some of the hardest weeks of my life. The only people who truly understand that experience right now are my family, my treatment team, my fellow patients, and the friends who walked closely with me during that time (and since). 

I have been reflecting on how far I have come since then and it’s astounding. I could not have possibly imagined where I would be now. I am on my way to living the life I have always dreamed. I am one year away from completing the bachelor’s degree I thought might be a dream out of reach. 

When I left Menninger that day, my treatment was actually long from over. I didn’t officially finish treatment until July of 2021 (I guess you’ll have to wait for my memoir to get the full story--I really am going to finish it). 

When I walked out that day—into a chaotic world which was in the midst of a global pandemic—I had the correct diagnosis. I was on the right medication for the first time ever. I still had miles and miles to go—several metaphorical mountains to climb, if you will. 

I can say now in 2022 that I’ve conquered those mountains. I am in a place now where my stress is pretty much just normal stuff—tests, projects, dishes, laundry. Daily living is still stressful, and I still go to therapy to process things and stay on top of it all. But I’m not at rock bottom. I’m not sick anymore.  

I am coming back to being myself and here is how I know: I am dancing again. Like, all the time. That’s the real Haley. The real Haley is a dancer. And I may be introspective, but I’m also coming back to being silly and goofy. It feels good to be me again. 

I praise God for this healing, for all the people who carried me through, and for the strength to endure and “climb” the metaphorical mountains. Like Mary Tyler Moore, I’m gonna make it after all. 


Sincerely, 
Haley

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