Thankfully, 31!

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So I'm fully entrenched in my thirties now: thirty-one, baby! Now that I think about my twenties being completely removed from me, I can let out the deepest sigh of relief and dance right into this decade with all the joy and healing I now possess. 

This is going to be my decade. I can feel it in my bones. I am determined to make that true since the last couple of decades were...well, "not my favorite" is kind of an understatement! 

I'd like to leave the past in the past as much as I can. It's still tough though! I'm still grieving. I don't have anyone to directly blame or be angry with about the things that happened to me. It's not like anyone hurt me on purpose. No one misdiagnosed me on purpose. My doctors were all caring individuals who were doing the best they could with the information they had at the time. 

As far as tragedies and circumstances, I'm not angry at God--and I really have searched my heart about this. I do have plenty of conversations with Jesus about all my anger, frustrations, and sorrow. I'm not directing it at him, I just go to God for comfort. Maybe some people would feel differently in my circumstances, but that's me. 

So grieving for my dead, ugly twenties is still going on, but mostly I'm going into this decade overflowing with gratitude. I approach my birthdays with as much gratitude as I can because of being a cancer survivor. The American Cancer Society always says they are "fighting for a world with more birthdays." I like to keep that in mind! Here's to 21 more birthdays for me so far!

Leading up to my birthday I was writing "31 Thankfuls" every day on social media but it got to be a little much as I was feeling overwhelmed in everyday life so I had to drop it. Oh well, there are no rules! 

It's a tricky topic, but I'll be back at some point to write a little about my relationship with my body--and how very thankful I am for the ways my body has changed throughout this turbulent health journey...it's going to be a doozy to write. This is something I've really only discussed with a few people in my inner circle and I definitely haven't written about it. It will be a tiny snippet really because the full story will have to wait until my full memoir (to be written in 2023)--so if your interest is piqued at all, then you know you're going to want to be a pre-reader of the pre-order...or something. ;-) 

Okay. I have no ending for this?

I'm 31. Take that, cancer. 

Sincerely,

Haley

 

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