When I was that girl

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Today I needed a reminder that a few years ago, the woman I am today was just the far-off dream for a girl who sometimes couldn't get out of bed because her heart felt so heavy and her life felt stuck. Her dreams were big, but her worries were bigger. 

That girl couldn't stop grieving, when wave after wave of sadness was emptied on the beach of her life. 

This woman? She can't stop dancing morning, noon, and night...because when she hears a good beat, why not?

That girl back then didn't know if there was life after depression. Life was only ever a silver lining on a bottle of pills and endless tears on the pillow.

This woman has fought for her dreams, hard-earned: blood, sweat, tears, and everything in between. And now it's been worth it. Laughter is now! There is joy on the other side of hopelessness, as it turns out. 

That girl was desperate and looking for answers about what was wrong with her.

This woman knows some of those answers as far as the puzzle of her brain goes...but she is also a little bit more comfortable with the discomfort of not having all the answers! That's life, baby. 

That girl believed she was broken.

This woman knows she is whole.

That girl was scared of being alone. 

This woman has done so many things on her own! Live in multiple states? Check. Big cities? Yeah! Small cities? Duh. Travel alone? You betcha! Prove to herself that she is capable of standing on her own two feet? Boom, baby! It's been scary, but it's been fun! What's next on this adventure? 

That girl from years past didn't know if any of this was possible, but this woman sees that it's happening here, right now. All of it is true, thanks to hard work, help from others, and the redemption and restoration of God. All the things that used to seem impossible are now happening.

Most of all, I know that girl is so proud of this woman, who is finally graduating from college. I made it. 

I chased down a few of that girls' big dreams all the way to the finish line, even when it seemed impossible. 

I suffered to get to where I am now, for reasons that are coming together more and more all the time and that I plan to share in my upcoming writing.

If you've followed along on my blog or my social media, you definitely have some idea of what I've gone through! But I haven't shown the full depth of my journey in any one place. I have become increasingly private over the last three years. I cannot wait to share more in days ahead--not just because I love an audience (ha! Theatre kids, am I right?), but also because I firmly believe my story is going to help others. It was not for nothing.

I also cannot wait to share more of what new dreams I am dreaming up now that "dog college" is ending--there are lots of dogs involved, I promise. It's some good stuff, but it's still in development. Stay tuned, pals. 

Sincerely, 

Haley, your friendly professional dog lady

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